Trust (part 3)
Building trust takes time and if it is damaged, it takes a lot of time to regain it. Trust is created when you and your partner try to connect with each other.
To be able to connect, it is important that you can talk to each other well, preferably at communication levels 4 and 5. It is important that you listen attentively regardless of whether your or your partner’s love language is ‘Being Together’. You also keep a grip on your emotions and dare to be critical towards each other and yourself from a safe feeling.
Problems big and small can be discussed and solved. You make each other feel in word and deed that you are reliable and can be trusted.
Trust check
By critically reviewing the questions regularly and answering them for yourself in your notebook, with answers such as Yes, No, Point of Improvement, Not Applicable or Don’t Know, you will have an idea of where improvement is needed.
When you compare to a previous time you answered questions, you are able to observe progress.
Actie
- Make a note of the points of interest for the next partner conversation and discuss them.
Questions
- Do you feel that your partner takes you seriously?
- Do you feel that you discuss problems and look for a solution?
- Do you put problems on the table when you experience something?
- Are problems you bring up discussed in an understanding and respectful way?
- Do you have problems in dealing with family or friends? If so, are you doing anything about it?
- If there are problems with family or friends, does your partner stand up for you?
- Does your partner do what was promised and if it is not deliverable, is it communicated in a timely manner?
- Are you aware of what you need and dare to communicate about it?
- Does your partner listen carefully and attentively to you?
- Does your partner make you feel that there is respect for who you are and what you do?
- Does your partner dare to express emotions and feelings to you?
- Does your partner dare to be constructively and respectfully critical of you?
- Are you in control of your emotions?
- Do you dare to express what you need in a timely manner without complaining or getting angry?
- Does your partner show interest in your feelings?
- Do you dare to indicate your limits in time?
- Are you aware of what your partner is currently finding difficult at home or at work or wherever since this is shared with you?
- Do you not put off difficult things, but take decisions?
- Do you always keep your appointments?
- Are you also critical of yourself?
Infidelity (if applicable)
- Do you have insight as to what caused the need for infidelity?
- Can you move beyond the phase of infidelity?
- Can you talk to your partner about the infidelity if you feel the need?
- Starting point
- Step 1 – Attachment
- Step 2 – Emotion regulation
- Step 3 – Communication – love languages
- Step 4 – Verbal communication
- Step 5 – Dealing with critisism
- Step 6 – Dealing with conflict
- Step 7 – Intimacy
- Step 8 – Personal development
- Step 9 – Self-Care, Self-Love and Self-respect
- Step 10 – Reflection
- Step 11 – Preparation
- Step 12 – Partner conversation
- Step 13 – Conclusion