Step 5 - Dealing with criticism (part 1)
How you deal with criticism often directly affects the atmosphere and indirectly affects the trust in the relationship. If you or your partner do nothing with the criticism, a solution will not be sought. How the criticism is expressed is very decisive.
If there are tensions and irritations at all, the criticism is usually not constructive. In relationship problems, the comment “You can’t take criticism” is the well-known “oil on the fire. Both partners are then completely caught up in the emotion. If one of the partners wants to give constructive criticism, it is better to do this at a quiet moment.
Raising your voice when you want to give or receive criticism is not constructive either. In reality, many people who receive criticism feel attacked, even if it is constructive criticism.
The opposite is when there is no criticism and one partner continually asks for approval or in which there is no backlash (by setting boundaries). This can completely drain both partners in terms of energy. The problems persist and nothing is done with them.
Action:
- Take some time to think about how you and your partner deal with criticism.
- Write down some recent incidents in which there was or was not criticism and how you both dealt with it.
- Lead time: at least 1 week.