Step 4 - Verbal communication (part 1)
Verbal communication you can do as love partners at five different levels. We describe the levels of communication for clarification:
Level 1
The most basic level of communication is impersonal. In this, there is contact and your partner asks the polite question if everything is okay. However, he or she is not interested in the answer and continues with what he or she is doing.
Level 2
The level of “reporter” this is called. You give a factual description, without emotion or opinion about the facts. Example: She says, ‘I went to the doctor this morning and I’m pregnant’. He says, “Hmmmm. Your partner then switches topics.
Level 3
The intellectual level is called this. It provides insight into your thinking. Example: She says, ‘I went to the doctor this morning and I’m 4 weeks pregnant and due on April 10.’ He says, ‘Great, when are we going to tell the family?’
Level 4
The emotional level is called this in which you express about how you feel. Angry, happy, sad, tired, scared, uncertain, excited, bored, unloved, about feelings in general. We allow ourselves to be vulnerable. As a listening partner, it is important to really listen and respond empathetically.
Negative example: she says, “I’ve been feeling really depressed the past few weeks. He replies, ‘Depressed? What could you possibly be depressed about, you have everything you want!’
In this example, the effect can be that feelings are suppressed and not expressed so that the listening partner can only guess at the feelings of the telling partner.
Level 5
Loving, honest, integrity, intimate conversations is the description of the highest level of verbal communication. The conversations are non-judgmental, open and yet not demanding where you don’t have to agree with each other.
In a safe atmosphere, you feel that your partner has your best interests at heart. If you ask for help, your partner will try to help you without forcing you to agree with his or her thoughts and feelings.
At this level, you can speak unboundedly about anything, without it being considered “weird. You can be completely yourself and feel that way.
Action:
- Step 4 you go through individually.
- Please take your time to read this page thoroughly.
- Make a note of what levels of communication you communicate at and whether you have the courage to express yourself when we talk about levels 4 and 5.
- Lead time: at least 1 week.