step11 - YOUR LOVE

Step 11 - Preparation (part 2)

In step 11 you are going to prepare the partner conversation. You are going to draft a positive, clear, handwritten, loving letter to your partner, without reproach telling how you see your relationship and what you would like to improve.

You have one week to write the letter. It is important that you write clearly, so that there is no irritation on the part of your partner because it is not easy to read.

Approach

Review everything you have written in your notebook. As you read, write down the areas of improvement you would like to discuss.

After you have written the letter, make a copy and put it in a sealed envelope and give or send it to your partner. This will give both of you a week to read your partner’s letter and consider the areas for improvement. You can compare where the commonalities and differences are based on the copy of your own letter.

Guidance

Decide together with your partner who will make the guideline for the partner conversation based on both letters. At least two days before the partner discussion, deliver the list of talking points to your partner (and a neutral person). The other partner reserves a location on neutral ground (with or without a neutral person) where you can talk quietly.

Action:

Find a quiet moment to read through your notebook and make note of areas of improvement.
Lead time: at least 2 weeks.
Schedule an appointment with your partner on neutral ground. Preferably right after the weekend, so not at the end of a work week.

Remark

Don’t go discussing what you’ve read in your partner’s letter or guidance counselor before the partner interview!

If you find it difficult to express all the talking points in one letter, you can make a smaller letter with an appendix. In the appendix, you can work with a numbering system. Give each discussion point a short title and a brief explanation, possibly with examples.

If one of the partners feels that a third neutral person should be present at the interview, this person should be given a copy of your partner letters and the guideline before the partner interview.