Attention (part 3)
Having fun together by doing things together is necessary. You want to feel that you are really important to your partner and matter. Also during daily life, paying attention to each other by actively listening is important, these are also quality moments.
Even a small message via WhatsApp or SMS provides a sense of focus in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. When you send a message it should be sent from your feelings. Not because you consciously want to ‘score points’.
By knowing what your partner’s love language is, you can make him or her feel loved and appreciated. It helps you give desired attention.
Attention check
By critically reviewing the questions regularly and answering them for yourself in your notebook, with answers such as Yes, No, Point of Improvement, Not Applicable or Don’t Know, you will have an idea of where improvement is needed.
When you compare to a previous time you answered questions, you are able to observe progress.
Action:
- Make a note of the points of interest for the next partner conversation and discuss them.
Questions
- Does your partner give you enough attention?
- Does your partner spend enough time with you?
- Does your partner make you feel valued by the things he or she does?
- Does your partner do his best for you?
- Do you discuss together what might be fun to do together?
- Do you have enough exclusive time together (without friends, family or children)?
- Do you do enough fun things together?
- Do you have common interests that you spend time on together?
- Is your partner considerate (gallant)?
- Do you get regular messages that he or she is thinking of you?
- Do you make time to discuss the day?
- During the day, even if you are not home together, is there time to have some contact with each other?
- Is your partner genuinely interested in you how you are doing? This goes deeper than active listening. Suppose your partner has ADHD, then you delve into the subject to understand your partner better.
- Do you take initiatives to do fun things together?
- Does your partner want to touch you lovingly without sexual ulterior motives when you ask for it?
- Do you realize when you are not touched when you want to be, that in time skin cravings can occur?
- Can you indicate to your partner when you don’t want to be touched, without a negative response?
- Starting point
- Step 1 – Attachment
- Step 2 – Emotion regulation
- Step 3 – Communication – love languages
- Step 4 – Verbal communication
- Step 5 – Dealing with critisism
- Step 6 – Dealing with conflict
- Step 7 – Intimacy
- Step 8 – Personal development
- Step 9 – Self-Care, Self-Love and Self-respect
- Step 10 – Reflection
- Step 11 – Preparation
- Step 12 – Partner conversation
- Step 13 – Conclusion