Step 7 - Intimacy (part 1)
There is much miscommunication around intimacy. This is understood by some to mean sexuality because of its link to the phrase “being intimate. In Step 3, we saw that poor communication leads to ending the relationship in 86% of relationships. Good communication leads to intimacy, which is what we need in a loving intimate relationship. When we talk about intimacy, we mean the feeling of being one together, the feeling of oneness, the feeling of deep connection.
Intimacy encompasses all facets of life, which is why we break it down:
Intellectual intimacy
Intellectual intimacy comes from sharing and discussing thoughts, experiences, ideas, and desires with each other.
Social intimacy
Social intimacy occurs when both partners interact with others, such as by attending concerts, lectures, dance lessons, or other recreational activities.
Spiritual intimacy
Spiritual intimacy occurs when we share and discuss spiritual or religious insights with each other. This includes existential topics.
Physical intimacy
By physical intimacy we mean anything in terms of loving physical touch, such as hugging, holding hands, kissing, embracing, and loving lovemaking. By this we do not mean the ’11 minute bonkie bonkie sex’. You are then mainly occupied with yourself, in contrast to tantric love making.
Action:
- Take some time to think about how you and your partner experienced intimacy at the beginning of your relationship and how it is now.
- Write down the intimacy experience as you have experienced it in the past and as it is now, classifying it into the four categories.
- Lead time: at least 1 week.