Step 3a - Words of affirmation
Verbal compliments or words expressing appreciation are powerful means of conveying love. The important thing is that what is said is sincerely meant. ‘You look beautiful in your new dress’, ‘I like that you arranged a babysitter today’ or ‘you hung that lamp beautifully’. These are some examples, which will have a positive impact on your partner, if they are sensitive to positive words.
Encouraging words
When your partner looks up like a mountain to certain things he or she should undertake, encouraging words from a partner can make all the difference. Suppose your partner enjoys writing children’s stories. One day your partner gets a chance to have the stories compiled into book form. Encouraging words can help you take the step to do it. Encouraging words can help your partner get through an anxious period.
It requires the partner to be empathetic to his or her partner’s world. The positive side is that the partner feels valued and loved.
Pitfall
By encouraging we mean encouraging and not trying to impose your own will or opinion as a form of ‘preaching’. It is counterproductive and is experienced as judgmental and can create a sense of guilt. Suppose your partner indicates, that he or she wants to go on a diet. Don’t say it’s good that you are starting, because you are too fat. The encouraging variant is, if you want to I will support you to achieve your goal.
Word choice
The choice of your words is very decisive in how the message, your compliment or encouragement comes across to your partner. Speaking the words in a loving way gets the message across. Saying the same message in a snarky way has a breaking down effect.
You and your partner are equal and the way of speaking is also on this level. If we have a desire, you can ask as a request. This is loving as opposed to a message which comes across as a demand, a direction or a command. A request comes across as loving, for example, “Do you have time to fold the laundry tomorrow?” as opposed to “Why didn’t you fold that laundry?
Action:
- Take some time to let the love language of Positive words work on you.
- Note how you communicate to your partner and vice versa.